December 30, 2002 at 10:48:20 PM CST
 »  [listening to

my headache

I am such a loser. I feel like crap, and I haven’t been outside of my house in days now. Doesn’t help that I got sick too. Then I enjoyed getting yelled at by my parents. I waited too long to apply to college, I should have done this earlier, things are going to be ten times as tough once I get into college, you can’t live like this in college, and the like. Makes me wonder if I should even bother at all. I don’t want to settle and end up at UT, but I know I can’t really afford it to go anywhere else. And apparently my parents and my guidance counselor have no faith in me and my abilities (or lack thereof). I’ve just been fooling myself into believing I could do I guess; I just can’t cut it, ever. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. You know what. Screw them. I can do it. I know I’m not perfect; I’m not my sister. But not everyone in college is perfect. Fuck, not everyone in life is perfect. I should stop worrying. I should stop being paranoid. I should probably stop talking to myself. Man, these fevers wont go away. Just to take a step backwards, though: my Christmas was okay. Spent time with my family, which is always nice. Got some kind of strange gifts from my family. Got some cool books and music though. I had to pick out most of it for my parents, but the new Wilco CD is good. As is Doves’ The Last Broadcast. Played some Cranium. Fun stuff. I suck at humming though. I've been such a slacker; I didn't even bathe today. Nice.

December 9, 2002 at 11:23:27 PM CST
 »  [listening to

x

Another paper "put to bed." Sometimes I wonder why the heck I do this to myself. I'm exhausted, cranky, and really ticked off about something. But I do love this. With all mi corazon. And it's not just so I can see my name in print.