well, it's almost here. almost. I leave in the middle of August for Austiin and then fly to Ithaca for my orientations. I'm not scared. really. well... I am ready to get out of this place. I am ready to start something new. I am ready to forget a lot of what I can't. but still I fear leaving it all behind. I've done a lot of thinking - especially after reading what people have written to me. and I don't know how I can live with myself. because I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going, or who the fuck I am. things are going too good right now. it's that lull when you know you have the ability to keep things afloat and righted but also know you'll fuck it up too. I'm betting on the latter. I'm going to be a horrible father. (someday - or not.)